Friday, September 15, 2006

I spent hours perfecting that forehead curl

Awwww, isn’t she just the cutest thing? Makes you want to pick her up and put her in your pocket. Where she’d no doubt pout and carry on that Tiffany’s father kept her in a much nicer pocket, and if you really loved her, you’d have a gold-lined pocket for her.

Here’s the question perky princess Jennie M. posed to Jennie the Advice-Giver: “Jo-Jo Hanley, who is absolutely top-man at our school, called me up a few weeks ago and asked me for a date. My brother claims I drooled into the telephone at him and predicted that the date would be a flop because I was so eager. I was, and it was—but what can you do when your blood pressure is 220? Another heavenly guy has just asked me to go to dinner and a hockey game with him, and what I need is a blue-print for a successful evening. What should I talk about? What’ll I do if he tries to kiss me? What should I think if he doesn’t? I’m sorely in need of plain ordinary dating know-how.”

Wait. Did she predict that the date would be a flop? ’Cause that’s how it reads. Dang antecedents.

I think the problem isn’t Jennie M. being anxious. It’s that while her blood pressure is 220, her IQ is more like the cube root of that number.

And why is she using Andre the Giant’s telephone?

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