After much gnashing and wailing of teeth, I've gotten a SATA enclosure, and I've reincarnated my old hard drive into more backup storage. Once I got the right kind of enclosure, it was a snap. Five minutes, and it was up and spooling, disgorging forth greath quantities of bits and bytes.
Which is pretty boring, I know. (Why should this post be any different from the rest?) But the good part is that the instructions that came with the enclosure were purest Japlish. Or Chinglish. Or some other permutation of English and another language. Here are the choicest parts, reproduced verbatim.
On the cover:
Please strongly recommend reading the MANUAL before using the product!
Computer will quickly detact and configure the disk...
You can do everything u like as using a disk driver.
Here's where it starts getting good:
Connect your enclsoure with the IDE hare disk or SATA hare disk with the IDE cable or the SATA cable...
After an illustration showing a "3.5 Floopy" drive:
And you simply clisk the icon to whop the device safely even when the computer is turned on.
All kidding aside, I hope you're all practicing safe whopping. Especially if you're using a floopy drive.
For some reason, there's some strange spacing in this section, which I've faithfully reproduced:
You'd better connect the Hi-speed device to the Hi-speed USB2.0 port. when connect to a non-Hi-speed USB2.0 port , there an alert message appeared on the taskbar telling u that connected to non-Hi-speed USBport .Though u can continue to practice ,it will run at lower speed .
Well, of course it will.
Under the heading "Whopping the product properly," which I still can't type without breaking up:
You must click the "safly remove hardware" icon on the right of the taskbar,if u want to stop the product and then there a direction telling that the USB Mass storage device can now be safely remved .then u can whop the USBcable from the USB port.
Of course, with all the computer trouble I've had lately, I've wanted to whop all kinds of things computer-related.
Now this has a Biblical tone to it:
And then there appeared a direction telling that the USB Mass storage device can now be safely remved .then u can whop the USBcable from the USB port.
And then there appeared some seriously laughable Japlish, too, which begat hilarity, which begat lower blood pressure, which begat a good night's sleep for James of Dunn. Yea verily.
But here's the absolute killer:
In Windows2000 or Windows ME ,when you whop the device without according the practices aboved .there a warning message showed that if u whop it without stopping it this may cause your computer to crash or lose some valuable data.
The phrase "if u whop it without stopping it" just about rends my spleen, people. If you're not laughing about that, I fear you may be dead. Ask somebody to hold a mirror up to your mouth, because you probably won't fog it up.
A functioning enclosure (that I didn't have to whop), recovered data and some primo Japlish. Now that's a satisfying night.